In honour of tomorrow's Pirate B-Movie fun

Excerpt from 'The Pirate's Handbook (how to become a rogue of the high seas)' by Margarette Lincoln.

HAVE YOU GOT SCURVY?
Do this simple quiz to discover if you must see a doctor and be bled by leeches at the next port.

Do you have any of the following?
Sore gums (Score A)
Rumbling stomach (Score B)
Itchy feet (Score C)

Which of the following have you noticed?
Dirt on your shirt (Score B)
Lost your sea legs (Score C)
Big red blotches under the skin (Score A)

Which of the following do you feel when you wake in the morning?
Extremely fed-up (Score C)
Extremely poorly (Score A)
Extremely hungry (Score B)

How to Discover if you have Scurvy:

MOSTLY C'S: You are a frustrated pirate who has spent too much time on dry land.

CURE: Get to sea with haste.

MOSTLY B'S: You are a starving pirate who has run out of clean clothes.

CURE: Make some filling ship's biscuits and eat them while soaking in the bathtub.

ENTIRELY A'S: You are a sickly pirate, and probably have scurvy. (NB If you develop these symptoms while on land, put on your sea boots and get to the doc quick.)

CURE: Stop at the next port for some oranges and green beans. Indulge.